Wallflower, My Identity!

It was cool afternoon or you can say morning, for me, as I just woke up. My mind was blank like literally blank; I just starred at everything as I have lost all the teachings, ethics and etiquettes which the society taught me time by time. I was then brought to my senses by a friend who slapped my face like I was some sort of bitch. I got up and went into the living room for a little chit chat but the guy was busy social networking on his smartphone and I had to come back to my bed again. I laid there for a while then opened my notebook to see my schedule for the day and there was nothing on it except that I missed my class, AGAIN. On the spot, I opened my mail and sent an email to my lecturer with some mainstream excuse in it. I browsed some folders to look for a nice movie that will add the joy to this beautiful afternoon; and eventually I found “The Perks of being a Wallflower”. This title “The Perks of being a Wallflower” was in my mail in the form of a novel since September 2012 and as a movie since February 2013. After watching it, I realized that I should have watched and read it ages ago so that I won’t be in this depressive anxiety mood, in which I was. Oh and Yes, If you have trouble finding yourself till now I would recommend you to watch this movie or read the novel. After watching the movie my mind is not blank anymore it is filled up with stuff; stuff that will help me.

I don’t have any friend to whom I write letters like the guy from the movie, but the character it was based on reflected me and my life since September 2011. You people might be wondering about one aspect of that character and I would like to answer that as NO, nothing of that happened with me, okay? Yes, on this day and forward I would accept my self as a wallflower and I know that I will be the same till the day of my funeral. Wallflower is someone who just exist, who stands alone in a crowded place looking with hopes and desires at the people present and waiting for someone to notice him/her. He just observes everything instead of participating; hence the biggest advantage of being a wallflower for me is that I can learn from others’ experiences. I know most of you will be making fun of me or the movie, but you never know who and what might help you to know yourself. I am not a blogger or a writer and you might have figured it out by now after reading it her because I don’t know what to and how to write about, but I have started it to let the people know that there are people like me who exist in the world; who most of the times are alone and spend their times usually on social networks with the people who might not even exist in real life. That character ,”Charlie”, form the movie taught me that there is nothing wrong even if you are shy or uncomfortable with the people but instead just be who you are and you will get through everything. Because everyone has a sad story but its not a excuse in this world. Yes, I don’t have a real friend and I need to find one quick who can take off this wallflower and put it in a vase.

But in the end “We accept the love we think we deserve!”

Boundless Emotions!

Having moved to Malaysia, my life has come across drastic changes. Among these the most influential for me has been the technological shift. Having grown up in Karachi I’ve pretty much spent the past 19 years of my life cursing KESC, PTCl, Cable Wala, Net WaLa, China ka maal and our current President of course. But here it’s a whole new story. From teaching to mere transportation everything is technology assisted or as I call it “Robotic”. Heck you can’t even cross the road without technological assistance. So technology is pretty much inevitable here.

The other evening as I was staring blankly at my laptop, I was thinking what makes us, the beings who claim to be the most intelligent life form on Earth, better than these machines , I mean they are perfect , consistent and ultimately Flawless. What if in the near future they gain human like intelligence; the human race will be rendered pretty much useless then. (Hey don’t look at me like that! You will be asking this question too if you watched The Matrix Trilogy three times!).

So what makes us special, what makes us stand out, what makes us “human”? , Well it didn’t take me long to figure it out. There’s one thing that will always separate us from the machines, which makes us human, makes us laugh, cry, awe, envy, jealous, ambitious, love , which makes each of us stand out and be ourselves; well its the feelings inside us that pop up from time to time , sometimes for no apparent reason . We generally call these abstract feelings Emotions or Sentiments.

Irony is that our emotions are among those things that are not in any sorts under our control. Mood swings pretty much dictate our attitude towards life. One minute you are happiest person in the world the next moment you can feel your heart sinking in the depths of sorrow. One minute you feel like you can conquer the world and the next you are the biggest Looser in the World. The canoe of our life flows in the turbulent waters of sentiments and emotions and the best part is we are not steering it.

So let’s cut to the chase, shall we; let your emotions flow, don’t suppress them that’s what living is all about. Don’t be a robot be expressive and honest to your feelings. Let it out even if it’s in the form of tears. Yes, it’s okay to cry sometimes even if you are all grown up. So, continue to be yourself because in the end that’s what people will remember about you.